But I’m still eating cancer, I just noticed even carl’s JR has prop 65 – wild.
but I had a coupon greig gave me for a free famous star and I wanted to try their beyond meat thing and I needed to leave the house cause it’s bad vibes and I know I messed up I left a mess but I’ve been depressed and non op and just trying to build healthy habits and my mom is so stressed she ripped me a new one and says I’m walking all over her and I just kept telling her I’ll give her a massage right there lets just calm down she’s too stressed to think clearly and it’s stressful being around someone perpetually stressed having 1 way conversations with you and then dad’s dying of cancer now so I just don’t even know
just still have my dreams and that’s all that remains I realized last night before almost relapsing but I didn’t and after writing here for a bit I’m going to digitize more vhs tapes like I did this morning and do the weeds all around the house and fix my dad’s laptop and I’m sure my mom will comme in 1 % calmer and say a bunch of random shit that’s the biproduct of a bunch of dialogues she runs in her head and her attention span is about one sentence I can get in per day and she chose the one that was ‘I need to be sober up first then I can help you’ and that got her real pissed and somehow I know it’ll be alright I shouldn’t take what she’s saying seriously when she’s in such a state yet it still hurts
and does it make sense that I can’t help her until she has less stress in her voice? and does it make sense that she will have less stress in her voice if I help her? caught in a catch 22 and h is at dinner and I don’t want to tell anyone my dad is dying of cancer cause I don’t want to pull that card and I just want to get my nonprofit off the ground and make mass media and finish my screenplay and send it to becca by 6pm so she can print it and record reading some lines her and her sister cyn will do in New york tonight or tomorrow and wow my dad is dying of cancer and I’m dedicated to staying sober the whole time I can only hope ||