Cut My Roots They Grew Back Double

2019-11-15 14:23:10 -0800 -0800

Final rantings of specimen “h8u9ijokl” in cell 32.

I’m sorry i dont mean to stir the pot. im sn alcoholic. im an alcoholic. everyone laughed. b said it’s ok that’s a good point to bring up. c said the way they do it in AG is way weird to here. mockingly’ o Im sober for 20 years this is how yall do it I can control what ya’ll do. It’s 2:30 PM I’m sitting in Carl’s Junior. d said ‘they clapped when i spoke there so i must’ve slammed it. R said we’re a bunch of drunks trying to run an organization. D said michael you want to read? sure, I have the laminate

hi, I’m michael and this is my story and these aren’t fucking characters and there is no fucking plot and this is my story. Hi, I’m michael I’m an alcoholic ‘I said. ‘hi michael’ they said in perfect unison. I never thought I’d be here of all places, back in little hometown of Nipomo California, at this age. I thought I was much too smart much too wise to not let this happen. But the only people that talk of a higher power in this town, without the dogma of religion, are the least crazy. and last night when I came driving in around 11 with a fresh pack of american spirits my neighbor was outside down the street 5 houses down on the corner so I parked my mom’s car and smoked with them.

He’s my buddy. Last one on the block aside from Mikey, who’s drunk off conventions and Nate who’s drunk off Jesus, so they’re always only partly there. He’s 20 years my senior, lives with his parents too, his wife apparently left him, and he’s schizophrenic by a psychiatrist’s perspective.

And Brian Craig’s dad next door told me his name was Ben after 2 years of knowing and hanging out with this dude on occasion and he’s a veteran with PTSD. I found out his name from Brian 2 years after hanging out with this dude. Whenever I would ask his name he would laugh, or worse space out in his eyes change the subject. Just somehow he wouldn’t answer. Every time. I wrote a song last year with Chad we were hitting Sean’s bong in his car in the driveway cause Chad borrowed it whose my best friend who grew up down the street and Ben (Brian told me his name after hanging out so many times never knowing) told us about how he trapped a tiny Russian and he’s hanging upside down in a glass jar in his parent’s garage.

Ben is 20 years my senior, and chad and craig and kevin are all out of the neighborhood now, but I’m back, with only schizophrenic Ben, and we like to walk out in the lemon fields and creek directly up and down the street looking for rocks and fossils. I never found a fossil but it’s less crazy to tell people you’re looking for fossils. These native Californian’s don’t really give a shit about rocks sometimes. It’s funny they buy them all the time at fairs and in garden kits but the idea of walking out in dried up creek beds is alien to them. This one took 40 million years to take this shape, that means a hell of a lot more to me than this piece of paper promises there’s gold underground in a vault somewhere. A broken promise anyway. So I found a few good rocks in my day and I hate fucking with money. I got that phrase from Kenzie. I miss her but towards the end of our living together, she would give me this look and tone like she didn’t understand what I was saying, and we venture always back into the more comfortable banter banter and jokes and that just killed me. That’s why I don’t talk to many of my good friends anymore. The only women in my life right now are two grad school girls and technically my ex called whom cheated on me and she’s at UCSF doing bio chem or seomthing and she needed help STAT getting a soundboard. She called when I was leaving the YMCA, showing the gay guy at the counter steven who asked about what art I was doing. Last week I called and he gave me a free 7 day pass when I told him I have been making art the past two years, and haven’t made any money on it anyways, and don’t have a bank account. But now I have a bank account and am about to get a train ticke tot chicago and go make a life with the woman I love.

But anyways all this is going down and I’m in A A and it’s my turn to speak, and speaking is something I used to like doing, but it’s gotten me in a lot of trouble, like 50 k + in debt like defaulting on student loans and a maxed out credit card with wells fargo and 2 grand about from Meesh 400 from niko 1000 from dibs 600 from cameron 400 from jack and 100 from hunter for smartphone I got stolen from me at the beach and I lost a nexus 6p chad lent me and he wants it back and Craig won’t loan me any money but he said he’ll pay me to do the work for the art I make, and he’s real ready he hinted to drop like at least 200 on a laser cut wood piece for his headboard bed and he’s a real wolf and a sex master and the only guy in the neighborhood who had more sex than me and so he has this sort of relaxed wolf state out and we have this gay chicken shit we’ve been playing since we swam together on the swim team in high school and we both quit at the same time cause coach Jewel was doing coke and sometimes wouldn’t bring enough to practice so he’d freak out on this and one time he was real red in the face from some backhand comment I said and he ripped off his sunglasses revealing the tan lines and red eyes and started screaming at me SWIM SWIM and I jumped in the pool and was busting up laughing at the situation but it really got my blood pumping and now that’s a fond memory of high school cause all other memories are shit that place is a nazi factory I always thought it and at Nate’s BACHELOR BBQ at his parents house, he’s a preacher next door same exact age as me and he’s getting married, we all went and played soccer at the high school cause it’s walking distance though I was in the back of the truck and it felt good, like halo, and I really milked that. And we all hopped the fence and while playing all time goalie I shouted to the empty school “DROP OUT and be SMART! Youtube University! Khan Academy! PBSspacetime! Royal Institution! Freecodecamp.org” and the christian bachelor BBQ people laughed but didn’t laugh it was too nervous, it was a fake laugh that said ‘you’re weird’ and I’m like god following the bible is the weirdest shit you can manage but they did LOVE LOVE my triangle joke cause it was a 3 on 3 using half the field and you couldn’t let the other team take posession without having to take it back, so team work to score a goal was real important. And I was zoning out looking at the golden hills thinking how beauitful nipomo is with all the hills in the distance, and directky over us was this fresh artifical cloud from a plane directly over us, and I silently thought chem trails but made no comment about it, and then blamed those fake clouds on why I felt so manic the next day and drank a bottle of wine to myself and made 2 new ableton music songs, sampling my schizo cousin’s Brian phone recording he sent me and this other 10 minute breakup song about missing a dead friend I never met, Julia matt’s ex girlfriend’s dead brother so go figure I’m not going to fucking feel paranoid about chem trails cause that’s a distraction. No shit the government shoots different shit in the air, it’s called science and we’ve been participants for hundreds of years. Get over it and be a mouse and be a patriot at the same time about it. It’s just when they start really fucking with your mind that you might need to wonder why your government is fucking you up the ass, and historically the military does experiments on it’s towns closest to bases, and we’re a stones throw away from Vandernberg, where SPACE X Falcon rockets take off and we have nukes underground. So it’s crazy to think there are not experiments happening on the communities on and more importantly, off base.

But anyways I’m just about to speak in AA, and I don’t mention any of those events that happened in the last week because in Alcoholics Anonymous, you’re supposed to keep your stories to alcohol.

so I told them all yeah I journal a lot, someone said ‘I can see that’ because I’d had a full page written of notes by the time it came to me anyways,

and in this book I got a library card for it was so good, had a quote from dsfkadfhakl and I hate when people quote other people in books and papers cause it feels fucking lazy, and yet I’m doing it anyways not out of lazieness cause yea I could just re word what they said and you’d never know, but I want to give credit where it’s due, though they probably reworded what someone else said anyways, and that’s wqhat quotes are to me in the first place, this big soup of dope in cali terms, words that are everyones and singular ownership of words is a fluid process you think when they quoted plato 1000 years ago it was the way it’s quoted now? nope. soryy. that’s not how they spoke. and so ok ok ok my woman

oh eah it was anonymous anyways so here it goes for quotes anonymous

the quote was behind every great man, and behind them was a great woman, and behind them their wife.

which you would interpret that the man has a mistress and a wife. Like one of my favorite people Carl Jung, and wow oh wow oh wow and Bach and picasso and I pray the wolf in my doesnt fuck her the way it has fucked me

luckily I’m no man and not great I’m an aloholic. cause I’m a 27 year old boy, and I say boy cause a man provides for their family, so no I am a boy.

you might intrepret that as the man had a mistress and a wife, but I think they meant the more subtle option, the wives were a lesbian couple and they took in a man they could keep alive and groom to their liking. And Becca is going to grad school at columbia one of helen’s best friends and my woman helen got a masters in creative writing whom I’m writing this for in the first place, cause she texted me she wanted something on her desk at five. And I’m not even going to lie I wanted to write fiction but this is nonfiction but it’s probably better to just sell it as fictional romance novel we promised to write together cause maybe that would pay the rent - so I don’t have to sleep in a tent in my parent’s backyard and she doesn’t have to bounce from family to family to write.

so I’m in AA and my dad is in the doctor right now all dressed up fresh with the doctor telling him and my mom how far the cancer has spread- and I want to go finish this bottle of wine hidden in the recyling cardbox box in the tent but I’ll wait till the sun goes down and really start writing

and I’m in AA

cause I’m an alcoholic. it’s on both sides of my family, I went to a family reunion and it goes all the way back ( my great grandpa fought on the union side in the civil war and he his son were alcoholics and then rock and roll came out and my dad was more complicated than an an alcoholic, he was a guitarist, so it isn’t an issue for him anymore. And my mom and her mom and my mom’s dad and grandpa were alcoholoics, and I’m not good at math but I love pretending to understand the youtube lectures, and so the odds are… I’m michael and I’m an alcoholic. but the internet came out, I’m much more complicated a creature as an alcoholic. I’ve done acid over 100 times, alcohol is simply water to me. IT’S BORING. I I didn’t say that in the meeting but I did say the family history shit and then that readig my journal logs I have been trying to quit drinking for 6-7 years now, and I’ve scarely made it more than 30 days, and I realized I can’t do it myself, and I got a degree getting ducked up all the t4ime, and I love putting wholes i my brain cause it helps. It just helps cause there are a million good reasons to drink. like you’re born on this rock and we’re such a beauittufl species, homo spaiens…. and this is what we’re doing to each other? This is what policitians are talking about? ?this is wha’ts being spoken about on the TV? it’s crazy. It’s a wild ride. And my power to justify anything is my greatest weakness, and Helen tauht me that, or I figured it out myself and she was there, I CANT REMEMEBER

but I have this 24 hour chip, cause I wanted an object to represent my sobriety, and I didn’t deserve it. Cause I was drinking alone a 44 buck screw top bottle of wine behind the community college music building, I wanted to get in and play piano andcultivate the old michael in me, the happy michael at 19, the one that was in music theory and only had 2 beers a week in only the most perfect ritualistic and healthy settings

and damn there was this chald board behind the music building that reaad BEFORE I DIE

and damn that was an episode of my podcast which lies stagnant like my nonprofit I founded cause I have a dream and I have a mission and that’s the real reason I’m living in a tent cause I saw too much now don’t want to touch money cause adam and eve and the garden of eden can happen right here again and if I believe that everyone can becuase it was satan that invented religion the chrisitan faith satan’s most brilliant invention being the word of God and I only know cause God spoke to me, twice and we talk all the time. and he gave me my mission for life make open source creative tech projects like human centric ad free media and that’s what we need and God gave me Poliwat when stefan and david were asleep at pinnacles state park I was smoking a camel crush menthol and looking at the sky and I asked God, what do I do cause that’s the thing if you dont ask every fucking day like a composer you need to do the work and ask god quesrions only at the right time and for the perfect duration and that substantially increases your chances of getting a response cause if you don’t do the work you’re a whiny bitch

and this pain in my chest from these sprits

help me

help me and my quest

I gotta admit it I think it at least

and darlene called but I was asleep

but thank god she called !

and my friends here are greawt but chris is addicted to coke, chads always thinking about money, the doctor’s can’t figure out what’s wrong with jordan, kevin hasn’t answered about 10 phone calls and 2 texts and is on a drinking bender I assume, and nate next door is getting married. F U C K . I just realized I can’t go shooting tomorrow now with my two church accountabilibuds, FUCK I gotta go film for Nate’s wedding. There were no chicks and no alcohol at the Bachelor party, so it’s probably a dry wedding. I have my parent’s vhs camera, the same one their wedding and my birth was filmed on so I’ll use that. Hmm

but I guess I’m Michael and I’m an alcoholic.

and i

and Im just going to state all the reasons to drink

so that I can see them through

so that I can quit drinking

and this is my story about quitting drinking

and my buddy ben just came by and he’s joking that I owe him 20 bucks and he;s trying to drive across town but he’s outa gas and he mopped the floors but his mom is at work so he can’t go until tomorrow and I’m like shit I would give it if I had it

and im respsible for my mom being a bag of nerves and shes respinsible for letting the stress dictate her life and my dad is responsible for in her words checking out 20 years ago and i got my work ethic from him cause he’s so fucking lazy we could’ve been rich if had half an inkling to sell my work cause that’s it - I make and someone else sells - my job make - someone elses job is sell - get with the program - and it takes the right kind of person and I haven’t met them yet -

It’s 2:30 AM I’m sitting in the studio in my parent’s garage. Listening to my music. Drinking my wine. Taking ownership of my life.

and C Chang my ex texted me - her mom said this old man Bill Slay’s birthday was yesterday and he said he still rememebers when I played piano for him at the senior living lobby piano of my songs, and he loved it. I somehow still have his number, so tomorrow I’ll microdose and give him a ring, get his address, and send him a CD. Cmon michael you fucking piece of shit, it’s no use telling yourself that unless you can’t do that simple task. And no it isn’t so cut and dry, I know, but it sure as hell feels like it.

And ben and I had a moment he came by the garage today and listened to my music for the first time. I was watching the paint dry on these legs for another standing desk I built - my parents said my dad said I should sell it it came out nice but I’m giving it to Paul for his high school classroom for free, he’s got my second neice on the way and their school has only 1000 extra students and he said it’s pure anarchy. He asked me for a favor on the phone today, to be his sub with the kid coming on the way and stuff. Becca thinks I’d be a great teacher. And I’d love to do it, I told him, but I technically am one class (thepsychology of Myth and Legend) left in order to finish my Bachelor’s in Psychology. But said he would pay for my tests to become a sub and the system is so fucked up right now that they would probably let me in without checking. At least I could ride it a bit. But no I told him I’m moving to chicago in two weeks, and my mom just left a note on the new desk saying she raised me, and that I can’t come back here, I need to start my own life.

and becca called when I was buying a powerade and wine and I sat down in the middle of a sandy trail by a Eucalyptus tree and explained to her the meaning of the stuff I was manically texting her last night on wine behind the music building at a picnic bench at night where I went to community college. You riding the cock? We used to always say every day while going for that A.A. And I got it and 7 years later ended up sitting in AA, but for that one Alcohol is the culprit of a disease and the people whom lost control can see that and most alcoholics never even go to AA or consider it so it shows some serious intrinsic perception of the person - not that the program is perfect, I mean it’s organized by a bunch of drunks! Sort of like the military but they cut outu the booze found the terrorists to be their drink. But becca was in New York and her friend was putting on a real short golden dress with long sleeves and they were about to go out for the night with her Becca’s little sister Cyn whose 21 and ready to see the world outside her religious mom’s place in pleasanton. And Becca had the best advice in the world and said even at columbia her film grad program they realized that the person that makes a bunch of shitty things in a short amount of time ends up with a way better film than the person that has a bunch of time making 1 thing. And I’m like WOW I knew that last year, when I made 50 music videos in one week, and I fucking forgot it. And I’m doing all this prep cause I fear I lost the music while my dad is dying of cancer and my mom is an unregulated bag of nerves that says it as it is - I AM A FUCKING PARASITE in so many words so yeah it’s time to make a bunch of shit, it’s been built up for the year.

So yeah I’m drinking because there’s plenty of reasons to drink. Cause drinking is better than sleepy is better than thinking I myself a victim - I made these decisions and I face them and I write now because my woman asked for a short story, but I don’t know how to write short stories anymore but this is my life, in so many words. There’s a lot of other stuff going, but what people say and what they mean is what’s happening. And the funny thing is that I haven’t lied yet and yet I will release this as fiction as to maybe it’ll pay the rent in October wherever we end up cause we sure as hell can’t come back here. My dad has cancer and so speaks like cancer and somehow after all this trusts his doctor’s and he’s drunk off the SAD diet - Standard American Diet and my mom has two bolts in her spine and 2 titanium hips that for all I know cause her to walk around like a fried lab mouse as far as the government is concerned, and they can learn a lot from her I swear

oh and regina is playing and don’t make me cry I am crying its too good a song. she changed my life.


=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-==-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-==-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=–=-=-= and we’re out of bottled water and theres cancer in the caps anyways and this tap is murky and we dont have a brita OK so yeah ==-==-

and writing is therapy, and writing is a way to get closer to god a

So I’m worried I lost my music but that’s a whole other story

chad said dude you owe your parents two grand

when I was clearly out

he’s the least crazy person on the street schizo


hey bitch do you know what hogging is?


you haven’t lived long enough

you know when you have a question thats why you right

and Im full of questions

and mine is this

how bad did I fuck up

Im going to come up with all the reasons to drink

so that they stop hiding

so I stop doing auto pilot about it

so I can stop drinking


if I state the reasons



all her nuturing muscles kicked in

she went to go tell grandma the news

I am to watch over him

we;re watching star trek

I’m trying to learn klingon

the canon

I realized I’m the officialy source of the poliw.at canon

which is interesting

and motivating

didn’t really realize or I did and forgot

my brain is in a fog

my dad wrote a list for the groceris and

I am not sure if he handed it to me

or if he was writing it

and I left and drove

but I was at the market wondering

and he didnt say anyting when we got back

and we’re like soldiers

taking care of him

I picked up biscuts and gravy from the major’s place to go

we dont have a majoy in nipomo

I picked it up and andrea thanked me for filming the wedding yesteray

and gave us grapes and cantelope

and my mom has all nuturing muscles on

but yet and yet is still a bag of nerves

aboutt to break apart has just broken apart and subtley breaking all at once

and I want to cry but I’m too floaty

Im floating everywhere

I got a 24 pack of hams to myself

and going to pull the weeds in the way back

and for every weed I pull I lose a weed in my head

is how I see it

and every beer I drink I get that much closer to calling uncle ray back

and telling him the news

stage 4 melanoma

and he’s not the 10-15% that lasts 10 years

and he’s def not the 15-20% that lasts five years

he’s the type to keel over any moment

in his own vomit and shit and piss

just like my lovers dad

and that’s why I’m chained to the house before I move out

cause I can’t handle anything

too bad I embodied bradd pitt from once upon a time in hollywood

cause now its….


it’s too bad

cause he didn’t cry when he accidently killed his wife ==-=–=

b 347 pm b

what am I without a time stamp

every good intelligence officer doesn’t weigh themselves down with pure intel - cause that makes them more a target

every good intelligence officer knows that you only need to know as much as necessary for completely the operation

and every good intelligence officer knows that if you can gather intel without anyone knowing you know

and I want to help
I want to pull the weeds in the back
but the NSA aka something in my mind is stopping my body
the neighbors laughing
20 yards away at nothing
the smell of tri tip I can't hit
I couldn't be there longer than half a weed

but um but you cant stop me

cause im a boy with goals

my dads dying of cancer?

I have 24 beers to myself

my goal is to call back my family

and sound sober

thats a good goal

thats a good goal

my goal is record these 40 songs I wrote

thats a good goal

thats a good goal

if we live off the chicken

we die by the pokrk

we live off meat just to die by it and ‘cost’ as humans holding such a thing a cost outsideabstracted from time an energy and what is an alien race that can see us but we cant see them what is at stake ? energy so why do you think aleins dont exist when its pretty clear we’ve had contact lookup roswell and what would aliens aggregate but energy

but thats so egotistical like the sun revolves around the earth like the aliens needs energy from suc a small source such as homo sapiens L O L R O F L thats pokemon ash level one please hepl thought aliens

my dad is dying of cancer cause

here on Earth we live off meat just to die by it and ‘cost’ is hamrless just to capatilize off it

ha waht so you wanna takme in

i forogt what i was thinking in the bathroom

but its all good this is a reminder

that soon youll forget

the genius that occured while you pissed

and cleane d up

I stopped cleaning up

to write down the gold

low class becaue

what the fuck was I going to write

it was so fucking good

and now its lost

just me here that abandoned it te profound the good the great the love just to come ad try and control what I write because thats what it is its linear therapy

the last mehtod we got

for anything linear till we have better gpus in our veins we know we use dopamine fried so we good for life lets try another pair for size just to see what its like my laptop lagging from the creativity but htats not the right word instinctively i t just is like e playing legos as a kid I just made these universes as if I lived them and it continues you the subec t of your own mind you can do this and lookjuust to this as reference and fuck all else and hold it closer if you suck and suck and suck suck come on over if you suck if you suck come on over my dads dying of cancer my laptops lagging I forgot anything profound day drinking my mom is being a dumb cunt my dads dying of andrea just gave me 100 bucks lance said dont spend it all in one place I said what if I spend it all on my girlfriend andrea said yeah thats okay if she’s worth it I didnt bother building the case went back to headphones making tracks aye may as well write the eulogy through these tears but its hard finding the right words even when you spend all your time jobless and writing the right words

they never come up

there is no being reday

unless you a sadistic basterd

and surew theres plenty

fuck it no human is a dog as far as Im concerned

no matter how dog like wolf like these humans are

theres no critic without wine we know

theres no preacher without some serious GYHJBASDJKASDJASLIDKAS every time

you can see it without fail in their eye

every time


every time

every time

and I can only write

editing is for editors I only write and fuck it means nothing without a time stamp

good thing if I dont write it googlegot my ba ck

and I dont edit cause that’s a separate job

I dont want os ee your work

I don’t want to see your work edited

I wanna see it raw

I wanna fuck you raw

no greivnaces fuck it you gt get pregnant

I wanna see your work raw

I wanna fuck you raw

raw dog and raw yah and Imma make a cancer fichting dinner

drunk off a 24 rack to myself

cause my dad is dying of cancer

and beca at a BBQ has caled yet mte

and not like I need anyone

just me and my mom

playing solier oh because

the mistakes he made

andactions he didnt do dot matter

we love him and togetherw as enemies we play soldier

now its a contest so Im in good company

cuase wihtout contest I win eery time baby

please stop plesa estop please stop

if you un armed and I unarm myself asdide

from the actions from god

cause we know plebs fall for the word of god

real men fall for the actions of god

real women fall for the actions of god

everybody inbetween fall for the actions of god

so shoot me or not

I don’t care

mozart died in a ditch

and I listen to him often

you can’t stop progress

except on the local

but this intelligence emeegent

and I have no cue

so I make them as a composer in clown’s shoes

it awas a farm town upbrining no mayor to be

fuckedby and asoidjlskddfaskjlfhsadfkaherowiejsknfd aa sd only to live by

and I know iM andsoijafkndsaho ia;wonderful

dand heres to live by

you couldnt be faster than me cept oin sdofhjkansfdnasfkjaskjfh a saodijfasdfhs alike that guy soaidhfkjansdf who smoked me out

when I owed teddy reny and couldnt stand myself

in mission sf

never texted her back cause shes too pro

ay dealing with hard situations

like my dad dying

let us just be in piece

and play fantasy

atleast till I leave

thats while i dont respond

Im sorry beyond

these actions I cant do

or explain the rot of

failed psyhcogly cause

its too simple my miond just one part

its proven

theres too much influence that occurs outside our perception

so the game is whats the least dumb course of actions

howdo we think

how to we progress

Imma cook a mortality dinner for myq parents

pretend I havent had 7 beers

and 3 more to get through this

cause dads got not 2 wees left

as far as Im concerned cause just bought my ticket

we’ll move to chicago and helen I’ll loev forever

the fact that she knows Im annoying is a good sign

the fact that she knwons I know Im the most annoying person is a good sign

and together we’l make asjdinkaas

and together we’ll make asohfasdjklfadsf

and together wel” ll make sadohfiajknjksadf

even as I sink specially when I faile d

together we make sense out of asdoifjkadfjasikfas

and break language out of asod;fi asoidjlskddfaskjlfhsadfkaherowiejsknfd she a thirdgernation writer out of aosdfhlukjasdfjhasdfjhads

I a third generation drunk out oifjas dfjkasdfaw;ejrl w

fuck our dna

our sanity will remain

and togeth er we’ll cross

rivers we never could’ve crossed

isn’t that so obvious

you pleb that wonders man

why you cant love a trash can ?

but two years deep on the person that loves thee

thee being old and a trash can baby

they get way more out of life

yet understand some less

cause its all about the ogod life

actions matter till they dont

need me to explaion more I think the ansers nope

cause that made more sense to me

in this non editing spree

that you on an indiviudal level

are the cause that we not adam and eve

and its okay but the fact it

we can always go back

that the bible proved that

then satan jumpewd in

and built an arguement we couldn’t have it again

so I say L O L

fuck censoring langue

think about some depper shit

help plebs dig outa their graves shit

that’s what gives life meaning

that and so much more

when you go on a walk by yourself

in nautre wiaitng for a wcall and more

always waiting for that call

always wanting that more

but life sucks

sluts know

when you aren’t in a good affair

and my affairs are worth it

at this point I’m worth

being a faithful person

cause its a long road to that

and lance never knew it

cause he moqed his lawn too many times

and in that proces

its obvious while your wifes always has migraines

drop mic sign out mic

BOOM you suck

but thank your wife

for the hundred bucks

Imma spend it all on my future wife

BOOM nigga

break lanugeage

n words are bannedm

no one is racists

thats the path we one

thought only smart see it

its allright

to fuck with basic


used to be a top dog prgramming language

now we just fuck with it to think in prehistoric

and metorersdont rise, tey fall

but our interpretation prvoes it

metoeiratic rise thats a human situation

to aktake something that falls thb precievea corner of it

as a rise then leveraging it

HA that’s one of many skills we hod as a race

so its always funny when you think you can speak on behlalf of your race

thats the thing no human can speak

on behalf on their race

youre a modern retard

if you thin you can speak

on behalf of your race

youre a a modern day schizotyple retard

like some jesus derivative that didnt quite make it

when you waste life on speaking on behalf of your race

it takes two to tango in the most subltle stuations

and yet remains true

talk on behalf of your race and you will be met with people

saying pejudice in your eyes

but in their eyes, they are doing what you’re doing,

talking on behalf of their race

so stop playing games

ayou’re an adult now

but htats funny cause artists commonly say stay a child and play more

but is it the games of race you want to play ?

or something more profound that culturue lanugae and skin tone today ?

suck my dick is always my irst thought

before I speak

though rare say it yaaaaa

that’s why I get so many offers

cause its in the tone

its in the demeanor

the mesage the giver

the lover

but I love one

and thats pokemon

engrained in my childhod

have six, love one

that’s how you beat the elit four

four horsemaen not a coincidence

thats how you go against the final boss

whetehr you enterpret it god or satan

doesn’t matter cause duality is one

you fucking suc

cuase a coin explains it all

so g

go now and talk to god

yourself cause you know yourself better than you know god

go and walk out go and walk out

go andwlak out

go and walk out

go and walk out

go and walk out

go and walk out in nature and declare you precence to god

I don’t need to speak with anybody at the end of the day if I have god

so go and walk now

so gop and walk now so go and walk now

in nature in the precesne of god

god is in everything

its just too chatouc to see them in their symphonies of cities

so go out in naute and speak with god w with out the abtact from other humans influence

cause thats what youg et fabut and from god

when ever youre in a position that has

humans written all ovewr it and influenced from god

go and get utya

now I gotta piss and is it profound or is it shit

cant tell dont care

bvb’dcause my dad is dying of cancer so here I drink

I do chores

no laughter

and I write

cause writing is therapy

for whats about to happen

hey freb

I got stage 4 melanoma

all over man

no I did'nt know you had a stage 4 melanoma

it got in the lymph system so its all over now

you had stage 4 melanoma ten years ago?

plug into the higher power man